Kalanchoe Adventures

So, last winter I convinced John to let me try and grow a different plant inside: a Kalanchoe.  They are a succulent variety of houseplant which have beautiful little blooms that grow in bunches and bloom usually in the late winter-time.  I thought they would just be a fun, pretty addition to my already rowdy bunch of house greenery.  Little did I know I had just adopted another poinsettia-like beast!

Basically, for the last year this hardy little plant has been soldiering on in spite of a clueless caretaker.  It sits on what I am starting to think of as my "window sill of death" aka the dining room window sill.  Thanks to all of my other experiments, about 1/4 of the plants there are in need of the graveyard...though they are currently waiting for spring to finally hit so the garden soil can be turned over (or until I give up enough to admit my own defeat and through them away).  For those of you who don't know my apartment, the reason I keep using this window sill is because of its positioning.  It gets the most sunlight during the day since it isn't blocked by any other buildings because our apartment is on the end of the building and the complex property.  Unfortunately, that also means it is the one hit most by the winds as they come down and create lovely swirling drafts around my windows.  Yes, I am intelligent...I so unbiasedly proclaim...

Anyway, needless to say, my poor plant is suffering.  It has gone from a vibrant, lush green plant to...well, I'll just say it is rather spindly at the moment.  But the good news is, I finally grew a few more brain cells and looked up some information about how you are supposed to treat your kalanchoe plants.  Apparently, they hate cold temps, love lots of sunlight (the more the better), and (drum roll please)...you are supposed to treat them like poinsettias!  That is right, even to the point where most greenhouses that I looked up were recommending you throw them out at the end of it's flowering season.  Apparently, I actually did better than I thought!  I kept it alive for more than a year!  And you all thought this was nothing but a confession from a plant abuser...

So, this first post of mine is going to describe the process as I attempt to turn my sickly little "pop plant" (this is Kieran's term) back into a gorgeously big leafed and flowering gem.

Step one: I need to actually clean off all the dead "growth" of brown limbs, leaves, old flower stems, etc.

Step two: transplant!  Apparently, this is the right time to transplant these little babies into a new pot about 1 1/2 - 2 inches bigger than the preceding one.  The interesting note about this is they recommend a clay pot.  Who knew?!  It seems that clay pots dry out the roots that much faster than others (I wonder if that is why all my strawberries died brutal deaths a couple years ago...but in my defense, what idiot created clay strawberry pots with no glazing?  Probably someone like this schmuck who actually bought one thinking "what a good idea").  It was also recommended that you put rocks in the bottom of the pot as well as some limestone if you live in the east (limestone helps up the ph balance of soil.  Do not do it if you live around here in the intermountain west, land of adding vinegar and pine needles to soil just to keep blueberries alive).  I have to admit, I've never heard of doing that before...must be the whole "grounded to Utah" thing...

Step three: to fertilize as soon as you see new growth.  That won't be hard.  Something tells me as soon as I tell my kids to check the plant for new growth I will get a running update until after they go on to high school.  "Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  There is a new spot on the plants trunk!"  or "Mom!  The leaves are brown still!"  or "Mom!  The plant touched me!"...

Step four: only water when the soil is already dry.  Wait, isn't that what you are supposed to do with all succulents?!  Oops, my mistake.  I wonder what my other cactus will think when it starts getting watered more often...probably, "Help!  This crazy lady is drowning me!"

Step five: in September I am supposed to cover this plant or put it into a closet for at least 13 hours a day.  One article even suggested I prepare a box to put around it which would be sealed with black plastic...just in case.  Indications are that you need to protect the plant from any accidental sunlight, common house lights, flashing headlights, or probably even blinking alien lights from a passing UFO...apparently it makes the flowers turn green and pale when they do finally bloom.

Step six: step back and enjoy a year of growth hopefully complete with bunches of beautiful blooms...until the flowers all fall off and the process starts over again.

Here is hoping I make it that far!