It's official folks!

I know a lot of people are thinking that I'm crazy, but.....drum roll....we decided that it was time for me to quit my teaching job at the school. 

I've been the luckiest woman on the face of the plant with my job (where I was working as an Instructional Aide at Hillcrest Elementary.....basically, I was teaching the reading power hour groups) where I've been for the last year a half, except for summer break.  The teachers and staff are amazing people who care a great deal for each other and especially for their students on levels that you'd never realize if your only work experience was in offices/stores/etc.  The levels of support that are freely given to each other there are quite enough, but then there are the kids who drive you bananas at the same time as charm you into doing pretty much anything for them.  I've learned sooo much about how education works now (especially compared to when I was growing up) and amazing ways to help my own kids through this job, but even more: I've learned what it means to work with people who are willing to sacrifice most anything (including their own peace of mind and health at times much less financial security for themselves and likely their families) to help people, especially children, to reach for their own potential....and even more to begin to see that what they assume is their potential is so much more beyond what they ever could have realized.  (I know a lot of people who read this will likely assume that I'm exaggerating.....I really am not.  When you see a light bulb go off in a child's head and their eyes light up realizing that they CAN do whatever is being presented to them and that they have so much more they can do besides, you literally see their potential growing along with their understanding.)  On top of that, the school where I've been working is filled with people that it has been my privilege to call not just co-worker but friend. People who will jump up with a smile to help if your car is giving you fits, discuss ways not only to help your students or theirs but also your own kids of all ages, bringing you sugar to boost a low moment or just a joke to brighten a frustrating day,....I kid you not, these people are some of the absolute best out there.

So why am I leaving all that behind?  Well, as much as I've loved and adored my job....we aren't able to grow financially the way our family needs us to if we just stay where we are.  Our business has been growing a great deal, enough so that I'm left confident in being able to replace the paycheck I have been earning at the school with the profits from sales within the business especially once we get to the farmer's market season.....but that takes a great deal more time than most people realize. 

Last fall, I experienced a hard lesson in how to not only say "No" but to tell myself "Enough" (yep, let's just say that going through regular times of no sleep followed by 3 days of no sleep which led me to nearly messing up my own son's baptism.....that is what I'm talking about) and that it is ok.  That was also a point where I looked at my children playing and working together and realized....they have actually been taking on the things that I as Mom am supposed to be doing without any of us realizing it.  That was the "ENOUGH" moment.  The only question left was "How?".

By the time Christmas Break came, John and I were both pretty convinced that we were facing the need to make a choice between my keeping my job at the school or keeping our business open.  One or the other was going to have to go, and then business picked up even more.  Don't get me wrong, we are still not anywhere close to rolling in the dough, but with the increases in traffic, special requests that keep coming from different quarters, and new opportunities being opened.....yeah, there just wasn't enough time in the day for all of that, keeping up with house, home, and family, AND working at the school.  When Christmas Break ended and I went back to school....we'll just say that all the prepping in the world during the holidays and long weekends were NOT going to be enough time to keep up.  Then, the weekend before school started, we found out that if I were careful about the timing I'd be able to take a business associates certification program through a local tech college that I'd be able to have finished before school starts in the Fall....IF I started by the end of February.  That was the final straw (if you think I was going bonkers being behind with teaching and doing the business, can you imagine how bad it would be if I added college to that?!).  So, a few days after going back to school and sorting out different schedule changes that were coming, I handed in my resignation that would be effective when the reading groups changed.  That means....as of two days ago, I no longer work at Hillcrest Elementary.

Whoa, actually writing that is surprisingly gut-wrenching.  If you can't tell from the words I'm typing in here, I'm blubbering like a baby thinking about how much I'm going to miss my job, my students, and my co-workers.  Yet I'm also looking forward to tomorrow and implementing all the changes that we have in front of us.  It is a kind of relief that....well, let me describe it this way: you know how cozy a room can be during the winter months, yet as the world edge towards spring that coziness becomes almost suffocating until a slight breeze blows through a room?  Not enough to chill, mind you, just enough to make everything fresh and comfortable again.  In a lot of ways, that is a lot like how this has been for me.  Just like how that breeze makes it possible to breathe again, inspite of the brief chill, it brings with it a particular kind of relief that makes everything rosy and exciting again.  Changes come, and if we don't adapt and change with them then we stagnate and turn to a dusty pillar blown away by the wind.

It reminds me a bit of the story of Lehi and Nephi from the Book of Mormon.  They were in a place they not only knew, but were extremely comfortable and happy in.  Their home was very comfortable, they were wealthy, had a great many friends and loved ones around them, and they had a great deal of respect as well.  But a great change was coming, and they were told to leave it all behind.  So, even though like Noah and Lot, they packed their things and slipped away from all that had made their lives so comfortable guided in a way that led them into the complete unknown but protected and with a tremendous blessing just waiting for them once they followed instructions, kept the faith, and continued putting one step in front of the other.  As they took those steps, instruction came to them as to how to fill their needs.  As they followed those instructions, the means to follow instructions came.  And as those means were used appropriately, their journey led them to a treasured and priceless land so filled with promise.  Now, that's not to say that once they reached that land they lived happily ever after.  Quite to the contrary, especially for those who refused to obey any longer.  Yet, for both those who continued to live in obedience AND for those who decided that they were finished with obedience, they had escaped a disaster that they were not even aware of and were free completely.  That which they'd left behind was replaced and added to, and their descendants reaped the rewards of such action.  And much like in the story of Lot from the Bible if they'd looked back and returned to their home before all the hard work as Lot's wife did when she turned to a pillar of salt which would have been blown away by the wind and sand, they'd have been blown away by the winds of fate as their home was taken in war in which case they'd likely have been slain or enslaved and not had any descendants nor anything to give them if they'd been fortunate enough for such.

Now, I'm not saying that we're headed for a great promised land....but in a way, whenever you go towards what God has in store for you then you are heading towards that promised land.  That land is not always filled with great honor and respect which you will be able to revel it, and it may not be filled with fluffy security blankets to cocoon yourself in, and it likely isn't filled with great heaping mounds of money to roll in and throw in the air....but a life of peace, family, love, and freedom - yeah, that is worth all the sacrifice.  That doesn't mean that you don't think about happy times from the past but it does mean moving forward, one step at a time. 

So I guess this is one of my steps forward, a little at a time.  I guess we'll see where we go from here, but it will be filled with grand blessings...of that I am sure.

Faith, Prayers, and Wings

Phew!  What a surprise-filled weekend.  We were planning on going to Salt Lake to spend the afternoon with family celebrating an early Christmas together and as we started getting things into the van found a screw in the tire, which was fixed by pulling it out of the threads (or so we thought).  Then found a pretty bad leak from the transmission, finally fixed by tightening the bolts.  We FINALLY get down to Salt Lake in order to arrive in a full blizzard only to find that we had left the address of our destination at home and had to work from memory (NOT a good thing when you know me and Salt Lake destinations, lol).  We finally pulled over to borrow and phone and get directions, get to go and see our family....and find out that as soon as the van was still, the tire sprung a bad leak and had to be replaced entirely (apparently that screw did more damage than we'd thought).  Needless to say, we were snowed in for the night (quite a delightful thing, but unexpected...thank heavens for my packing night clothes "just in case" we'd be getting home late, lol).  Then we began prepping to leave this morning after breakfast, albeit much more slowly than probably wise because we were theorizing that if we waited the roads would be drier, only to have a major snowstorm once again settle over the area.  Going on wing and a prayer, we packed up kids, van, said our farewells to our loved ones, and set out for home.  Got lost once again as we left (wouldn't you just believe it?! lol), putting us a: on clearer, drier roads and b: stumbling on John's old childhood neighborhood and elementary school (sooo awesome, btw!), then swinging up through my old college tromping grounds for more memories, and finally back on the road home....with nearly clear skies (very blue, even), frequently very dry roads, and decently clear traffic until we got to Mantua.  Then our windows very suddenly and quickly fogged over (from the inside, mind you) and the defrost was barely touching it which made for some white knuckle driving on my part and frantic swiping and wiping on John's part until we got to the gas station at the mouth of the canyon so we could get out, dry everything off, and clear the now-frozen windshield wiper fluid spouts.  Fortunately, the rest of the drive home was uneventful plus an added bit of fun news that apparently I won a giveaway prize from a craft boutique I'd helped a friend out with.  Ohhhh, so grateful for the blessings that come from faith, prayers, and the "fun" stories that come from them! lol

I'll try and get pictures and descriptions of the incredible people we got to spend our surprise "mini-vacation" with later, but I just thought I would share my goofy story (just for all of you who didn't think you were bored enough, lol). :D

Family, sanity, and answering prayers

I've come to a mind-blowing conclusion.  Stand back, this may shock you: I'm attempting to do waaaaaaaaay to much, and things are falling apart.

Ok, now that I've come right out and stated it...lol, you can all get back up and quit with the dirty looks.  I know everyone has been saying for ever so long that I am doing too much.  I've heard comments for a while now from people advising me to cut back, to find ways to delegate, etc.  And I was the first one to agree with y'all....I just didn't know how to do anything to change it in a good way.  Maybe I should start at the beginning, just for those who aren't sure what exactly I'm talking about.

You see, about 3 years ago I was about a month into recovery from my 4th baby's birth (long story there, but it was a HUGE catalyst for me) and not in any condition to be attempting to find a job to help alleviate our financial problems which had begun to get frighteningly severe...assuming I could convince myself to leave my little ones at home to begin with (something I feel very very VERY strongly about).  Having said that, our finances NEEDED a boost somehow so I decided that since I couldn't go out and get a job I'd create a job for myself at home.  I'd heard (as most everyone has) about how you could make money selling things online through websites like Ebay and figured I'd start taking a whack at it myself.  So I went to my storage...and found that I didn't think we had anything worth any money.  So I went to console myself with some crocheting while I brainstormed.  It occurred to me that I could possibly make baby blankets to sell at a craft boutique that a friend had told me about and that would at least be a way to get a start.  So, I started putting together blankets as fast as I could get my fingers to move for the boutique that was on the 5th of December.  From there, I was hooked.  What I had either sold or traded for at that event was enough to get us through Christmas so I decided to try a few more things.  One was a traveling show (that show didn't exactly go very well, but it helped me understand more about what I was doing which was good, and encouraged me to keep trying) and the other was the local farmer's market.  This is actually titled the Cache Valley Gardeners' Market, and was an amazing thing for us.  It wasn't enough to cover the money we initially poured into our new business, but it was enough that it filled in the gaps left from my husband's paycheck which had created such huge issues the year before and left us with enough to get a laptop to work the internet side of our little business.  The next year, because of some guideline changes that were made with the farmer's market that I'd done, we weren't able to sell through them.  And things weren't doing very well online, even though I'd put so much work and time into everything.  I finally decided to take the advice from people who loved us and get "a real job".  We were truly blessed at that point because despite the horrible economy I was able to get a part-time job working as a Literacy Aide at Hillcrest Elementary.  The other biggie was Kieran going into Headstart which meant that I was also doing different things to volunteer for the preschool (the way Headstart works, parents don't have to pay $ to enroll their children but they agree to do different volunteer things to help fill in as well as work the program while their children are enrolled) including being the Policy Council chairperson which made for a minimum of 3 meetings a month plus.  I was starting to close things down with the business because of how poorly it had done and my lack of time inspite of our still needing a little more cash to help make ends meet, but before I could shut everything down online I started to get orders...and then they kept coming.  All the way through Christmas and after, I had a couple of items here and a couple of items there that would sell so I decided to give it another shot and keep the business open.  I didn't push things online (a lot of that was because I was so busy with teaching at the school which I was loving, but which took so much time from our family that I couldn't work on the business as much), but just got ready to go back to the Gardeners' Market which I had been assured would accept us to sell for that season.  I had the added bonus that John had also started to make things for the business with chainmail jewelry and wooden buttons, but I'd also added new designs to the crochet lists to help bring things forward from where we were two seasons ago.  I hadn't realized until after the Market actually began that we'd be so busy with maintaining and building things for it, which made things a little difficult for that last month of school.  Then May was over and we were able to concentrate on the business and the kids again.  July brought a LOT of family vacations and reunions, plus we were lucky enough to host a Japanese exchange student which we LOVED.  Then our little Japanese daughter/sister went home, and we got ready for school to start again.  I was asked to work at the school again, which we decided to go for to help with the finances...plus I was still doing everything for Headstart (because the position I was filling was something that I would be doing until November).  When I say I was painfully and overwhelmingly busy at that point is literally an understatement.  Many of you have commented about how I'm always busy, and again I'd agree...but even I didn't realize how badly I was letting things slip until after the Market closed for the season.  At that point, I had a couple of wake up calls.

First of all, it was the end of October, and this year was a big one for our family because Caelen turned 8 yrs old (which means he was old enough to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints which he had chosen to do as well as being the first time he could have a large friend's party).  So one week after the close of the Market season, we were hosting a birthday party for an 8 yr old.  That was also the week that I learned when his baptism would be: just a week and a half later!  Yikes, talk about short notice (traditionally, our ward's baptisms had been held at the Logan Tabernacle building because it was in our stake and our stake had no other baptismal font....something that had changed last spring and I hadn't realized it until then which changed everything schedule-wise).  Plus it was Halloween, which also made things interesting time wise.  The real kicker was that I had actually scheduled two events for that same week (again, an accident, but something that was happening none the less).  So I was teaching at the school, running home to prep for the boutiques, filling orders from the end of Market, plus getting everything from the birthday party and the baptism figured out and prepped.  Yeah...it was a difficult week to say the least and a great deal fell to the wayside.  My house got to be far worse than I'd seen it since my very sick days of being pregnant the first time, and I was forgetting important things that needed my immediate attention.  By the time that week was over, I was so burned out I was lucky to still be pulling myself together to get to work.  But I'd made it through everything, and could finally start taking care of things that had fallen to the wayside. 

So we began to clean and clear the house out, which truly taught me a lot of what I'd been abandoning to poor John and my picked on children.  Then more....the worst realization that hit, however, was that I had been attempting to do so much in the name of being there for my children that I had actually let things with my children slip.  In the past week, I've seen more and more examples of what I had let fall through the cracks and the precious times and events that we couldn't get back (just look at how scattered and infrequent I've become about updating this...that should tell you something).  That was when I decided enough was enough, and that it is way past time I prioritize everything demanding a part of me in both and immediate and long-term way.  My children deserve to have a sane mother who can actually pay attention to what they are doing and all their successes/failures/adventures; my husband deserves to have a wife who is an actual partner and helpmate with our family not to mention a sane, balanced companion who can smile with him; and even more: I deserve to be able to look in the mirror once in a while, sit down and work on a project that has nothing to do with business, read a book that isn't destined to be turned into a school lesson/project, and just build memories with my family for the sake of being a family now and into eternity.  I've also learned just how vital it is for me to continue the follow through in my own spiritual studies.  Actually kneeling down and praying (rather than simply say a prayer-on-the-run), studying my scriptures, writing in my journal....things that help me draw closer to God and following His will not to mention being able to actually HEAR the answers to my prayers.

I know this is a far more personal and in many ways private post than I've ever put up before (not to mention likely to put up again anytime soon), and many are likely wondering why I've written it to begin with.  Partly, it is to reaffirm this lesson I've learned in my own mind.  The other part is for the sake of those who read this.  Over the past 3 years I've been learning an incredibly important lesson in a very hard way....one that I pray others can simply read this post and learn themselves without having to struggle the way I and our family have had to.  There is NOTHING more important than your husband and children and your relationship with God.  At times that means sacrificing a lot of time with those same all-important individuals but only for small times. 

We are still working through how exactly we are going to "diminish the load", but one thing is for certain: I AM going to find a way to start spending time with my family and myself, not to mention cutting back enough that I can thoroughly live and do things not just survive them.  How does that saying go?  "Life is not meant to be merely survived, but LIVED."

Very, very punny!!!

Hahahaha!  You know you have been watching too much of the Muppet Show when your oldest child turns to her brother (who just sat down next to her with a giant bowl of popcorn) and says, "Make sure you don't try to go to town on that!"  When we all look at her to start objecting, she just smiles and points out "It doesn't have any tires." Hahahahahaha!

Caelen cracks me up!!!

Hahahaha!  I've just gotta say, my son's imagination cracks me up!  He lost a tooth last night, so we put it in an envelope to put under his bed (to make it easier for the Tooth Fairy to collect) and out of pure habit I licked and sealed it.  He was cranky at me "because the Tooth Fairy is tiny, how is she supposed to open it mom?!"  Well, we kind of fell asleep working on things last night and missed the switch...so when he came out from checking to see if she came, I apologized and said that daddy and I must have scared here away.  He said, "Nope, she came all right...but I told you she wouldn't be able to get that open!  There is a tiny tear in the corner of the envelope and even a little fairy dust...we just need to open the envelope for her before tonight!"

The other hilarious part: the last two teeth he lost (including the one last night) were his canines.  So after all this about the Tooth Fairy, he came back out sucking in his lip and saying "I get to be the Easter Bunny!  My new name is Bucky!"

Where does this kid get these?!  Hahahahahahaha!